how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
