There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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