he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
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