I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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