party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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