i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
