literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Randomize
