...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
