my mouth tastes like poor choices
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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