Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
