My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
