In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
i think i have two assholes
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Randomize
