hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
if i can run in heels then i can drive
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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