that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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