I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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