I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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