Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
