wrigley field is MILF paradise
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
