we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
