Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
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