Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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