I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
