I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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