Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Reggie can tackle my bush.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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