I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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