i just wanna soil my oats bro
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
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