im about as happy as oj after his trial
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
