my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
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