Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
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