i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
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