fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
