the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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