just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize
