Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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