What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
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