My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
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