Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
her vagine was all disorganized.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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