And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
She's like a pop up book from hell.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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