I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
You're a waste of cheezeits
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
