Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
