I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize