you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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