got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
