They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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