no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
