so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
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