Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
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