wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
