Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Randomize
