Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
