awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Randomize
