Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I just forgot I was standing up.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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