I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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