The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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