So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
