ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
