when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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