I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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