Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
