please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Randomize
