A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
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